Self-care sounds lovely. It looks like a great idea. It sounds like something we all need in our lives. But it also seems like the internet’s idea of self-care is a bit…well, expensive and bad for you.
Sure, massages are great and everyone likes to bail on established plans from time to time. And who doesn’t love eating a giant bowl of Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch while binge-watching whatever looks okay-ish on Netflix?
Everyone loves that…until they have to confront their bank accounts, deal with friends who’ve stopped inviting them to things because they’re always a no-show, all while being bloated out on artificial peanut butter and puffed wheat.
“Self-care,” at least the kind I see a lot of posts about, seems a little too detrimental. So, may I ever so humbly offer some alternatives?
#1 Turn on some music or your favorite podcast/audiobook and clean out your closet.
But Nicole! That doesn’t sound fun! Self-care is supposed to be self-indulgent and…and…and…fun!
Well, I call BS on all of that. Real care isn’t always fun. Sometimes it’s just dealing with crap you don’t want to deal with. See this as your current self doing a favor for your future self.
If this doesn’t sound like a fantastic plan, you clearly haven’t experienced the pure joy of getting rid of the stuff you don’t need or want anymore.
One time, I got rid of 50% of my clothes. In the moment, it was brutal, but 15 minutes afterward, looking at my surprisingly bare closet, I felt nothing short of peaceful. Peaceful! It was glorious. Sometimes, I would just go into my closet and look at all the blank space and breathe deeply and smile.
Not to mention the relief I felt when I moved to a new house that had a three-by-two-foot closet in the bedroom. You can bet that I was thanking my past self for making my current life easier.
#2 Start a “sinking funds” savings account (or two, or three)
This is one of my favorite financial hacks. Every year we all have expenses that we know are coming, but aren’t great at saving for. Think Christmas presents or mini-vacations or car/home repairs. We know we’re going to have to deal with them somehow, but we often put them off until the last possible moment. At that point, we have no choice but to get stressed and drop the ball, usually by going into credit card debt, being the only person who shows up with no gifts, or relentlessly putting off the leak until it’s a real problem, etc.
Maybe don’t do any of that.
How? With a sinking funds savings account. Want double self-care points? Create one for big expenses (like Christmas/birthday/wedding gifts), one for emergencies, and one for something that makes you feel excited.
- Want to go to Costa Rica to zip line with monkeys? Sinking savings.
- Have your eye on one of those electric bikes to effortlessly jet around your hilly city? Sinking savings.
- Want to be the favorite aunt/uncle/daughter/son in your family at Christmas? Sinking savings.
They solve a lot of problems and open a lot of doors. Just a little planning can put you way ahead of the curve.
Yet again, this is the current you doing a giant favor for the future you. Now that’s taking care of yourself.
Sinking savings = self-care.
#3 Go for a walk. Or at the very least, go outside and look at a tree for a while.
This may sound silly or too simplistic. But I’m telling you, it’s the best free thing you can do for yourself today.
There is so much research out there on the benefits of nature on mental and emotional health. Google it. Humans belong outside, in the fresh air, looking at trees and stuff.
Especially looking at trees.
I’m telling you, walk outside, maybe take a blanket or towel with you, find a tree (preferably in your yard or a public space. People tend to frown upon strangers lying down on their lawns), and just take a solid 10 minutes to just look at it. Really look at it. Appreciate the branches and leaves and the patterns they make against the sky. I promise you will feel more peaceful and more energized. It’s a miracle and it’s science.
#4 Hang out with someone you like
Yet again, with the inversion of the typical advice.
Yes, there are days when people are exhausting, and you just want to hide. But, if you hide too much, things are going to get worse for you.
According to research, as Elizabeth Stanley, Ph.D. has talked about, healthy social interaction is one of the five core aspects of mental, emotional, and physical health:
- sleep
- food/water
- meditation
- movement
- social interaction
So, find one or two people you genuinely like or would like to get to know better and meet up for lunch or have them over for appetizers and a chat.
If you’re one of the 1 in 5 people who say they don’t have anyone they’re close to: you’re not alone in that. The number is 1 in 5! That’s a lot of lonely people who are hoping someone will reach out to them. And it’s only intensifying. So, muster up your courage and find someone to chat with or play a game with (via Zoom if need be).
#5 Avoid sugar for the rest of the day
I know, I know, what an annoying thing to suggest, especially when you just saw someone on Instagram eating a giant ice cream cone, #selfcare.
You certainly don’t need to do this all of the time (do I have a small bowl of chocolate-covered almonds next to me right now? Yes.). But the occasional day off of sugar does wonders. Even an afternoon and evening will give your body a much-needed rest.
Why? Sugar does weird stuff to our bodies. Weird, weird stuff. It messes with our brains, livers, joints, skin, etc. It causes inflammation, difficulty focusing, it blasts our system with jittery energy and then zaps it. Sugar is a fickle friend that’s best dealt with sparingly.
These are just a few basic ideas. But I think you get the gist. Self-care needs to be about laying your foundation, filling in the cracks, and giving your future self a break.
#6 Get Yourself a Coach
In 2009, the International Coaching Federation surveyed life and career coaching clients and found that 98% reported being satisfied with the overall coaching experience. 83% said it helped them improve their self-confidence. And almost 70% said coaching played a key role in improving their work performance.
Coaching has grown exponentially since 2009, in number of coaches and clients, but also in research and implementation. The point is, there is real-world and real-life benefits that come from having a trained coach in your corner.
I bounced in and out of therapy over the years and never ever liked it. It just never seemed to be what I was looking for. I wanted someone who was one part empathetic listener and five parts guide. Having someone who listens and cares is crucial to mental health. Having someone who’s going to call you out on your nonsensical thinking hold you accountable for when you flake out on yourself is crucial to life success. That’s what coaches do. (Want to better understand how a coach is different? Read this.)
Getting a life coach is real self-care because:
- they give you tools to achieve goals faster and more effectively than you can on your own
- they offer a unbiased perspective (where friends and family can’t)
- their goal is not to give advice on what you should do but to help you figure out what you want to do
- they offer insights and training into how to improve relationships, career, and health (and more)
- I could go on
Self-care is only self-care if you’re looking out for yourself both in the present and in the future. That’s what coaching does.
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Do you have a life coach? If not, I’d love to be yours. Check out Flourish First Life Coaching to see if my Life on Purpose program would be a good fit for you. I hope to see you soon!
—Nicole Shepard